My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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