his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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