glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
