u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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