woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
