I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
