Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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