i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
