I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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