hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
