The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
