Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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