He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
