"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
