This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And then he peed in my hair
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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