Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
