Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
