I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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