I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
