You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You ruined the universe
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
