My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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