i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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