Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
