i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
