you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry about my life...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
