summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize