Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
