The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
