great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
