Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize