The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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