Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
