So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
