"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
