just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
