So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
