i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
