Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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