You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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