Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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