yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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