how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
