tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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