He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
