Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize