I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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