guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
