Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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