why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
