Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
