you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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