do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
