Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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