So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
