Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
