So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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