So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
