Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
