My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
