How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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