I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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