Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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