Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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