i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
