I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
