so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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