Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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