apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
