i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
