Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
