I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
