Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
