it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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