I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
