I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize