On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its liver damage thursday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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