I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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