I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We talked him into tasing himself.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
