Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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