lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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