You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize