I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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